Sarah Fejfar 0:00
Instead of it turning into this kind of gossip fest, it's using this question to kind of spin it a little bit and say, Okay, well, what's the real challenge here for you? So that you can get to the heart of the problem and make it more about solving problems than complaining, right? Making it more about us, like the person, like, what? Okay. How can I take ownership and identify Well, what am I struggling with? I can get answers. How are entrepreneurs like us daring, bravely to build a stage, ditch the sweatpants and step up to the mic? How do we create our own transformative events so we can get our message out into the world in a bigger way. It's not only profitable, but it's actually something we can be proud of.
That's the question, and the answers are inside this podcast. My name is Sarah feifer. Welcome to Greenroom Central.
Okay, for the next few months, this podcast can be a little different. I, spoiler alert, am moving this summer, which is going to be so fun, and we're taking our sixth annual favor family road trip, summer road trip. And so because of all that, I knew my life was going to be crazy, and so I decided not to do interviews for you this summer, but what I wanted was for you to still get a fresh, hot now episode every single week. So I decided to look at my audible and my or my apple Notes app, which is where I take notes on every book that I've read, and put together a book review series for you. And each week, I'm going to bring you a new book that I love and recommend, and hopefully you'll find something in here that you want to pick up. So without further ado, here's this week's book.
Ooh, Nelly, this is going to be fun. So if you want to be a better coach and you want to empower your team. This is for you, because I have got seven really cool questions that are going to transform Coaching Questions coaching conversations that you have, whether it's with your family or with team. It's such practical advice, and it's from the book, the Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier, so this book, I read it because I am in Stu and Amy McLaren's book membership. And every other month there's a book to read, and we meet, talk about it, and then we talk with the author, and it's so much fun, and you should join.
And this was the book this month, and so I read it because I wanted to fit in, because right, the cool kids read the books in Book Club. And again, I was like, I don't know if this is for me. And then I got to the end, I was like, holy Yes, of course this was for me. So I'm gonna just spell the beans and share the seven questions, because I think that's the bulk of the book, like it really is about these seven questions that I just printed them out, and I gotta find a place. It's too big for my monitor. I gotta find a place, either on my desk or on the wall. Right now I have nothing on the walls. I think kind of like it that way. I think my foot, my ADD brain thinks better with clean walls. But I gotta find a place to put these. Maybe I'll put it in my card deck.
I carry a card deck with me at all times, like with a little ring through five by seven cards. I punch a hole in the top left corner of a five by seven index card. And I have a card deck that I hold with me of just things I want to remember and keep top of mind and like be able to touch and feel and hold it's probably also very add of me, but I need to hold it. I think maybe this is, yeah, I'm figuring it out out loud right now as we're together. I think that's where I'm gonna what I'm gonna do. So there's seven questions, and I'm gonna go through them with you. I'm not gonna be able to explain, like, how to use it, when to use it. You're gonna have to go to the book for that.
The premise is that if you have these seven questions in your back pocket, you can have dramatically better conversations every single time. And we were having our book discussion with Stu and Amy McLaren in our book group this month. It was funny, because most, so many of us are parents, and we're all like and married, and so many of us were like, Oh my gosh, it's gonna be so helpful with our spouses and with our kids. So first question is called the kickstart question, and this is the one you're supposed to start with, and it's what's on your mind. Yeah. And they share this funny little like story that it's actually been for most of Facebook's history. I think they veered off of it at one point, but they this has been the question in the Facebook Like little thought bubble that says, What's on your mind, because it's the best question ever. So yeah, it just it. Its purpose is to open up the conversation and get to the heart of what it is that we should talk about.
And so then the next question is called the ah question, like a, W, E, like, shock and awe. And the question is, and what else? So basically, if you've exhausted the what's on your mind, then you go to and what else? And so they can give an example of, like, Oh, that's interesting. And what else is going on with? And then let's say they mention a problem or a person or thoughts or whatever, you just say, oh, and what else is going on with, whatever the thing is. And then the next question is called the focus question, and that question is, what's the real challenge here for you? And the example they gave was, I hear a lot of concern, what's the real challenge here for you, personally, and it its purpose is to identify the core issue that needs to be addressed.
And they, I think, I think this is when they gave an example of if someone's complaining about a person doing all these things that are super annoying. Instead of it turning into this kind of gossip fest, it's using this question to kind of spin it a little bit and say, Okay, well, what's the real challenge here for you, so that you can get to the heart of the problem and make it more about solving problems than complaining, right? Making it more about us, like the person, like, what? Okay. How can I take ownership and identify. Well, what? What am I struggling with? I can get answers.
That's the what's the real challenge here for you? Then the next one is called the foundation question, and that one is, what do you want? And it's supposed to be a question that gets clarity and an example was given all that's been said. What do you really want to achieve here? What do you want? It reminds me of, gosh, what book was it? Shoot? It bug me now. I can't remember, but there's this book that I read recently, and the, oh, is it? I think it's 10x is easier than 2x the whole concept of I want it because I want it, it's reminding me of that, just, what do you want? And, yeah, I love that. Just want it because you want it.
That's definitely 10x is easier than 2x Okay, the next question is a lazy question. I don't know why it's supposed to offer support without assuming that you know what help is needed. US trying not to be instantly jumping into codependency, as my therapist would say. And the question, the lazy question, is, how can I help? An example of that, that play would be, I want to support you. How can I help? You know, I had someone call me recently that was super depressed, and I was in active listening mode for probably a solid 40 minutes, 45 minutes, and then I jumped, I saw an opening, and I jumped right to helping.
And I told my therapist about it afterwards, and she was like, yeah, so you did it wrong. Yeah, you can only go to that level when after you've asked gotten permission to do so, and you know they don't want your help, then, like, that's it's not for you, your the help they need is really just the listening, right? So, how can I help? And that is the way to offer the support at the level at which that person needs from you, without assuming that you know what it is.
So I think that's super helpful for me, particularly because I'm a helper. As my love language is exit service. I just want to jump in and help. And want it to be doing thing i i. I forget that listening is also helping. Okay? The next question is called the lazy question. Oh, no, we did that one. The lazy question is, how can I help? The next question is question six. That's the strategic question. If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to? Like, ooh, that's clever. So that is all about encouraging strategic thinking and prioritization. So an example in the book was, if you're committing to this, what might you have to sacrifice? So if you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
And then last question is the learning question, what was most useful for you, and that reinforces learning and reflection. I've seen that often in coaching, especially in like in Hot Seat formats, or in like laser coaching when you're in front of an audience, when you at or even if it's like one on one, or if you end with that question, not only does it force them to reflect and on what they learned and what was helpful, but when you do it in front of an audience, it has it's This magical property because it it's almost like a testimonial. Oh, was that helpful for you?
Oh, my gosh, yes. I'm having so much more clarity around this, and now I know my next action step is supposed to be this, and well, so I love I have happened to have a soft spot for that question, what was it? Was that, what was most useful for you, or Was that helpful for you? I suppose the the books way of saying it is better, what was most useful for you, I typically use, like, Was that helpful for you? Okay, that. And they also have, like, a whole habit, form formula in the book, because they and I, I never connected this, that the way we speak and act, ask questions and listen, is a habit, just like tying our shoes, just like going to the gym, just like eating healthy food.
And that was a little bit of a light bulb for me. And so it was. It was so surprising, like, why is this book spending so much time at the beginning about on how to set up a habit, and when it's all about questions, but yeah, then it was a realization for me, like, oh yeah, I guess, I guess the way we speak, the way we listen, is a habit, just like anything else. So that was a helpful aha for me, and hopefully it was for you too. Okay, so that that was probably my big one of my biggest takeaways was that talking is a habit too. And then I think another big takeaway for me was just avoiding codependence, avoiding these questions really allow us to get out of the person we're talking to, the answers like help them arrive at them, instead of us giving them the solutions. So if that sounds like something that would be of use for you, go pick up the Coaching Habit. By Michael Bungay Stanier, I feel like I'm totally butchering that name. I did read it on Audible, so that's awesome.
Next week, same time, same place, we are going to chat about, oh my gosh. It's been a while since I read this book, but I wanted to share it with you, because it was so transformative, and I don't think it gets as much press as it should. It's the common path to uncommon success, by John Lee Dumas, so we're going to talk about that when we connect next week. It's all about creating a blueprint, really, to having your best year, or getting momentum, or making that next big leap, so many really cool things inside this book. So that's what we'll talk about next week, until then, make it an outstanding day. So glad we get to hang out together here and see you next time.
Thank you for listening to the green room central podcast. If you loved this episode, then please take a screenshot on your phone and post it to Instagram and be sure to tag at sarahfare and let me know why you liked it and what you'd like to hear, or who you'd like to hear from in the future. That'll help me know what to create for you. The number one thing I'm asked by CEOs, whether it's their first event or their 20th, is, Sarah, how do I get more butts in seats? And so I put together a guide for you. Head over to fillingevents.com for your free. Copy of 107 ways to fill your event. I want to help you quickly master event marketing and fill your events, even if you've never done it before.
I've scoured the online business world and found 107 of my favorite strategies working right now to fill your next in person or virtual event create the event promotion plan you need from these easy to implement, customizable strategies for free. [email protected] I appreciate your commitment to leveling up and learning the mindset and strategy of live events. Keep going, keep learning. If you want more, head over to greenhamcentral.com For Show Notes and all the Links from today's episode. You
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